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We've all been there, that awkward first time: heart racing, unsure where to put your mouth or how to hold it in your hand. It's a delicate balance between trying to appear cool and accidentally setting your friend's rug on fire. So, keep your cool, Snoop Doggie-style, it’s not that complicated, it’s not like it’s the Big Bong Theory or anything like that. To help you save face, here is a list of common, and humorous, things not to do when you are high.
1. Inhale...No, Not Like That!
Inhaling seems simple, right? Wrong! Just ask Bill Clinton. Let’s be blunt, so to speak, many first-timers suck on a joint like it's a straw in a milkshake. Remember, it's not just about filling your mouth with smoke – you gotta get it to your lungs. Think of it as a deep, soulful sigh after watching your favorite sad movie or thinking about coming to the end of your bag.
2. The "More is Merrier" Myth Overindulging is like diving headfirst into a pool without checking if there's water in it. With edibles, patience is key. Eat too much, too fast, and you might find yourself believing you're a potato – an experience neither pleasant nor recommended. Don't Get Fried! However, do get fries. You might find yourself craving them. So, be prepared!
3. Strain Strain, Go Away Choosing a strain without research is like picking a blind date based on their shoe size. And, no ladies, it’s not true the bigger the shoe, the bigger the… Some strains are mellow, think Barry Marijuanalow, others will send you to the moon. Do your homework unless you want to end up cleaning your house at 2 AM because Sativa told you to.
4. The Cocktail Faux Pas Mixing cannabis with alcohol is like adding Mentos to Coke – a science experiment gone wrong. The best way to put it is, it’ll be like opening a can of “whoop your ass.’ You might end up on a merry-go-round that won't stop. Stick to one vice at a time, pals.
5. The Mystery of the Missing Cannabis Storing your stash in a Ziploc bag? That's like keeping fine wine in a teacup. Invest in a good jar. Keep it cool, dark, and hidden – like a pirate's treasure.
6. Bong Blunders Not knowing how to use a bong is like trying to ride a bike without wheels. Which by the way is another reason not to mix cannibus and booze. We’ve lost many a bike too soon because of this faux pax. And, that little hole on the side? It's not for peeking. It's a carb – learn it, use it, love it.
7. Pennywise, Pot-Foolish Buying cheap weed is like ordering a mystery meat burger – risky and often regrettable. And the most expensive? Not always the best. Talk to your budtender; they're like sommeliers, but mellower.
8. Hydration Station Cannabis can turn your mouth into the Sahara Desert. Always have water handy unless you cherish the taste of cotton balls. If you cherish the taste of cotton balls, you’re probably already high and should walk away from the bong.
9. Lone Wolf Woes First time flying solo? Bad idea. Have a buddy with you. They’re like a cannabis sherpa, guiding you through the highs and lows. And, you don’t want to go through that whole bag of Cheetos alone. Trust us, you want to be phat, not fat.
10. Expecting a Magic Carpet Ride Cannabis is great, but it’s not
a genie in a bottle. It won't solve all your problems, but it might make your playlist sound better. Not Nickleback. No strain is that good.
11. The 'Couch Lock' Conundrum Ah, the infamous 'Couch Lock'! It's that delightful (or not) sensation where you find yourself glued to the couch, unable to move a muscle, while your brain travels through the cosmos. Often attributed to Indica strains, this phenomenon occurs when your body feels like it's been wrapped in a warm, unmovable blanket of chill. Picture this: You take a few puffs, and the next thing you know, you're sinking into your couch like it's quicksand made of marshmallows. You might think you're in full control of your limbs until you realize you've been staring at the ceiling fan for an hour, contemplating the meaning of life, or why peanut butter tastes so darn good. You might think your Willie Nelson, if the shit’s good enough, heck you might actually be Willie Nelson!
So there you have it, future connoisseurs of cannabis culture! Dodge these dopey debacles, and you're on your way to a high old time And remember, the best stories often start with, "This one time, when I was high..."
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